I've been thinking about self image. There have been a lot of posts about the difference between our inner and outer beauty, but that's not what I've been thinking about. I think most people gain a lot of self worth from the things they're good at.

It is a really good feeling to be good at something, and to know it. Really fortunate people love their jobs. I suppose those who have great hobbies are lucky, too. I have a lot of hobbies, and I admit, I feel good about myself when I do the things I love.

One thing that was once a job, but has become a hobby, is music. At that, I failed spectacularly in a rehearsal earlier this week. It was epic. I was mortified, not because I can't abide looking like a fool in public. That doesn't bother me at all. It was that I derive my self worth from being a good musician. Failing at that makes me feel worthless.

By now, I've worked through it. I've spent time doing other things I'm good at. Still, why did I put myself through such a miserable couple of days? I tell my kids that failures happen. I say they should still try. I tell them to remember how much they love their activities, even if they have a bad day.

Maybe they'll grow up better adjusted than I am. Then again, maybe they'll call themselves idiots every time they make a mistake.

I'll just keep on doing what I do. There will be days that I feel talented, and days I'll feel worthless. With luck and practice, instead of feeling worthless, I'll remember that I love my favorite activities. I'll continue to do them. Hopefully, I'll have more successes than failures.

I'll keep writing, focusing on writing well, but hoping to be published one day. I'll keep knitting and weaving, just because I like working with fibers. I'll play oboe, English horn, soprano, alto, and bass recorder, and classical guitar (guitar poorly, but I have low expectations there). All of these things I'll do, remembering that I love them. I want to do them well.

Here's my question. I haven't been able to resolve this at all. When I play music well, it is a spectacular feeling. There is very little I'd rather do, and I feel great about myself. When I play badly, the feeling is just the reverse. If you minimize the low, can you still appreciate the high?